Wikipedia offers this description of the communication phenomenon known as the Spiral of Silence:
The spiral of silence is a political science and mass communication theory propounded by the German political scientist Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann. The theory asserts that a person is less likely to voice an opinion on a topic if one feels that one is in the minority for fear of reprisal or isolation from the majority.
It began with Noelle-Neumann’s interest in how Nazi Germany was able to commit the atrocities it did when clearly not everyone was in support of Hitler’s policies. The theory has since spread in its application to numerous other forms of oppression, but it now gets used more often in terms of political decisions, polls, and discussions.
However, I would like to bring it back to its roots of understanding why oppression persists. I would like to bring it to talk specifically about rape culture. I still remember the first time I heard that phrase. I was in training to be a Resident Assistant and one of my colleagues-in-training spoke of our “rape culture,” but she spoke of it so personally and seriously I found myself terrified. To take rape out of the concrete and discrete world of a newspaper story here, an acquaintance there, this concept of a “rape culture” brought the horror that is rape into a more amorphous, pervasive, ubiquitous status of normativity. Suddenly, our entire culture was one that skewed rape in ways that perpetuates its existence.
For example, the idea that women’s style of dress can be too promiscuous. That a woman is able to “ask for it.” While I may, like any other sexual creature, find a particular style of dress more sexually appealing than another, there is NO POSSIBLE WAY under any circumstances that the clothing a woman wears (or does not wear) then extrapolates into her deserving sexual harassment, assault or rape. Hyperbolically, a woman should be able to walk through a dark alley completely nude without any concern for her well-being. If you are thinking to yourself “David, that’s ridiculous” then you are beginning to understand our rape culture. I cannot imagine any woman “asking for” someone to sexually assault them. It’s a contradiction. It’s disgusting.
Now the reason I entitled and began this article with “The Spiral of Silence” is because it is men who need to step up. But, I wonder if perhaps there is a general concern amongst my fellow men about standing up for such an issue. Perhaps it comes from an uncertainty about what to say (I am doing what I can). A fear that saying anything might encroach upon or enrage women (I have that even now). A concern for one’s masculinity. Or, the ever powerful effects of being raised to not think of sexual harassment or assault as men’s problem.
It is taking our country centuries to realize that blacks still being systemically treated unfairly is not a black problem, it’s a white problem. That anti-Semitism is not a Jewish problem, it’s a non-Jew problem. And that rape is not a woman problem, but a problem of men. This is not to take the importance of dialogue and mutual support and collaboration out of the picture. It is to instead shift our frame of reference so that men are more squarely in the picture as opposed to merely being observers.
How pervasive is this situation? Think back to how many jokes are made regarding rape or sexual harassment that are laughed at and indulged. Or even if few laughed, think how many actually spoke up in protest. I wager it was rare, if ever. The fact that you may have explained away the joke, comment, thought as harmless because of who said it, when, to whom only points to our rape culture’s innocuous hold over us. The fact that rape is funny in any context is disgraceful.
I write this to voice my opposition to our rape culture. I do this for many reasons. One is to encourage, empower and inspire my fellow men to stand with me to affect real change. It is discouraging to note that the majority of rape-survivor services are left to women to run. So too are the workshops and articles and speeches. If men were not involved in rape, it would be a virtual non-issue. And yet we are not involved in its cessation. That needs to stop. It can be as simple as reading up on the subject (check out this article: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/how_you_guys_thats_right_you_guys_can_prevent_rape). It can be as difficult as joining a local hotline, support group, action group. It can be as confrontational as calling your friend(s) on their humor. It can be as passive as spreading articles to friends and family to help them educate themselves. The key thing is that men need to take an active role in the prevention of sexual assault because there is no question that men are actively involved in sexual assault itself.
I also write this because I have to deal with the effects of our rape culture. A few days ago I was riding the bus back home from campus at night. I had my iPod on and was reading a book, so I didn’t notice that we had come to my stop (which rarely do others get off on) because it’s a poorly lit sidewalk bus stop. As I felt the bus stopping, I happened to look up to see where we were and made the briefest of eye contact with a woman across the way. I then realized that I needed to get off. I scrambled to put away my book, pick up my backpack and get off. It didn’t register until I was off that the woman I had made eye contact with had been the one who pulled the Stop Request cord, saw my hasty getting up to go, and then did not get off the bus herself. After I began walking the way I needed to go, I saw the bus stop again at the next stop a ways up the road, and I could see that very woman get off at that stop instead. In my mind, I could all too easily see how it all looked from her perspective. I wished with all my heart that I could somehow explain to her that she did not need to fear me, David TenBrook. But, at the same time, she did need to fear me. She needs to be wary about where she gets off, when and with who. Unacceptable.
I have a dear friend who is one of the strongest people I know, and she struggles to find the strength to share her experience of sexual assault with me, a confidant. The experience has been so life-shattering that what one person has done without regard now blunts the efforts of others with nothing but the highest regard. The pain and anguish survivors carry with them are exacerbated by our rape culture facilitating our judicial system to find women partially to blame, allowing female alcohol consumption to lead to absolution for a man, considering showing off one’s body is an “invitation” to access it, allowing women to be given the burden of protection (carry your keys, don’t walk alone, stay in well-lit places, check the backseat of your car before getting in, etc.).
I remember when in that same Resident Assistant training, I tried to voice a minority voice then as well. The way I saw things was that while all of these awareness-raising exercises were excellent, there would not be an overnight change to how men and women interact. Thus, I suggested on behalf of myself and some others, perhaps there could be an understood compromise of women being a bit more cautious and wary while we work to bring men up to speed. This struck me as a reasonable compromise of ideals and goals.
What I have come to understand over the past few years is that is a prime example of rape culture’s pervasiveness. It is not my place, nor the place of any male, to place the mantle of responsibility upon women. If they assume any responsibility of their own accord, that is a different matter entirely. Furthermore, what must be separated is that a woman seeking to attract someone to them sexually, succeeding, and then sexual activity occurring is completely different than what’s being discussed here. What’s being discussed here is the ubiquitous mindset of the male population at large. That “No” is a coy yes. That “Maybe” is a foot in the door. That a substance-induced “Yes” is legal, moral and desirable. That the assumed goal is sex. That jokes about the topic are socially permissible, personally harmless, different than when someone else says them, without ramifications on sexuality, inconsequential to all those listening, etc.
I write this to attempt to help end the Spiral of Silence by men on the objectification, subjugation and subsequent abuse of women. Verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse are unacceptable. If you agree with that, then you have a responsibility to stand up and speak up. 1 in 6 women are victims of sexual assault. There are approximately 3 billion women in the world. You do the math.
Read up. Speak up. Stand up.
